June 8th

Monday.  Work.  The newness of work is wearing off.  Kind of dreading it more each day.  The office is a sad place.  The workers are justifiably unhappy.  I wonder what I am doing as a non-invasive cardiologist in Stamford, CT.  This is not what I want.  I can do it, but this is not what I want.  I do not have the courage to try something else, to dare live out my dream.

As usual after work I am tired mentally and somewhat physically.  I just want to eat something (using food to help me cope) and vegetate in front of the t.v.

I motivated to go for a short run (20 minutes) and then push-up, sit-ups, etc.

It made me feel so much better.  More energy.  More alert.  Less stress.

Exercise is so key for my well being both mentally and physically.  I need to exercise every day.

today a patient came with a history of lone atrial fibrillation.  he played college football and works out a lot.  we talked about jumprope as a great exercise.  i want to start jumproping.  i wonder if i have my jumprope here?

I have a grand rounds talk on diastolic dysfunction later this month.  the closing is that we do not understand diastolic dysfunction.  we do not understand systolic function.

overall feeling depressed.  thought i would start a daily scale of happiness/unhappiness from -10 to +10

today -3

i have been thinking lately about the existence of the universe.  if there is a god or supernatural force that created me and earth, who created god?

the universe extends endlessly in space.  is it infinite?  if it ends what is beyond its borders?  it must be a circle/sphere like earth, but still there must be something beyond it.

how did life begin?  the world is an amazing place.  

i think that humans have evolved not to ask these difficult questions without answers because if you do too much and do not live then you do not participate in this reality.  this includes marrying, having kids, etc.

what do i want?  what would make me happy?

Enjoy your life.  Take a deep breath.  Live.