September 14th

Feeling pretty good today. Pilates continues to go well. With each DVD I learn something new. Eventually I should be able to put together my own workouts. Same is true of Yoga DVDs. Also got this infomercial pull-up bar that sits at the top of the doorway. Works great. First time I could barely do 2 pull-ups or chin-ups. Now up to about 4-5. Slow progress, but progress. My mood is as good as it has been in years. The exercise helps a lot. Before just blah. No motivation. Now thinking and wanting to do things (read, write, experience), but still not doing much except work and working out.

Feeling kind of sad the past few days. Alice had a miscarriage. Writing it makes it so much more real. I took it for granted that it work work out okay without complications. She made it about 7 weeks and then something went wrong. It is difficult to think that maybe we can't have kids. A part of me feels like we waited too long. I definitely want more than one. Let's start with just one before talking about two. A part of me feels that I need and want to have a child desperately to complete myself. This feeling is one of the most true feelings I have had in quite some time. Is it real or is it the classic notion that I can put all my efforts and dreams into this unborn child?

Only time will tell.

Mood: 6

Until next time...