September 15th

Working too hard. Got home after 7 pm today. Had a good day of work, but not fulfilling. Justina asked me a simple question: "would you do it over again" At the time I said probably yes, but now that I have had time to think about it I do not know the answer to it for sure. I want to think more about it and comment in a later post. Read a book from college about Zen. Zen mind, beginner's mind. A simple concept of trying to keep your mind open and like a beginner open to new ideas. Somehow this concept is helping me. Concentrating on breathing is helping me.

The same internal conflicts. Working hard is satisfying the level of accomplishing something, but I do not feel it is what I want. With too much free time I do not know what to do to fulfill myself and get depressed.

Like yesterday feeling better than I have in a while. Must be the exercise. Starting with only 2 pull-ups per set now up to 4-5. Goal is 10. No. Goal is to keep it up.

Maybe redeveloping plantar fasciitis.

I think I stated it earlier, but working consciously not to multi-task. Focus on what you are doing. It helps. Also trying to type slower with less mistakes.

I have no reading comprehension. Always skimming things. Nothing sticks. Trying to read slower. I cannot read more than a couple of pages until my mind wanders.

Mood: 5.5

I am going to try and read some poetry to stimulate my mind. What I really want to do is read it out loud, but I am embarassed (even in front of punes).

Still thinking just below the surface about the miscarriage. Alice is also, but she does not want to or cannot share her feelings with me. I want to comfort her, but I don't know what to do.

Watching too much TV. I like college football, NFL, Yankees as they get closer to and into the post season. Watched the US Open. Champions league and european soccer. Mad men.